I’m been really hard on myself as a mom. Since my little babe is now a year old, I guess I can’t really call myself a new mom. I feel like I should have my shit together. I should have a routine. I should know what I’m doing. And, obviously, I should have lost all the baby weight and be fit and trim, 100% back to normal, with a clean house. Oh and I should also have a “suck it up and handle it” attitude (at least that’s what all those Instagram memes tell me).
But I don’t. I’m still heavy with the weight I gained during pregnancy. I’m still struggling with postpartum depression, baby blues, or just flat out depression—whatever you want to call it these days. My house is pretty clean…sometimes. Some days I’m a rock star and I feel like a pro at this motherhood thing. Some days, like today, I want to crawl back into bed and sleep like Rip Van Winkle for the foreseeable future (would you mind handling the diaper changes for me?).
I still struggle with my new identity. Mother versus woman. “Unemployed” versus working my ass off 24/7 to be recognized by no one because being a stay at home mom isn’t considered a “real” job. Fat versus fit. Super mom versus average mom.
But why do we have to be one or the other? What makes one mom “super” while another is just “average”? Is it the amount of activities she takes her kid to? Is it how many decorations or how well-themed a birthday party is? Is it the number of dust bunnies in the corners of her house? Homemade meals vs. frozen? Go get ‘em attitude? Why does it have to be one or the other, why can’t I just be… “mom”?
I suppose it all comes down to the “super mom” stereotypes we create in our heads. I have to be this kind of mom to be really great. I can’t have bad days or let anyone see me struggle. Why can’t I be like that mom who has it all together (and looks great too)? At least, this is the kind of thing I tell myself daily. I’m embarrassed to say “I’m depressed.” I’m ashamed to admit “I’m struggling.” I don’t want to utter “I need help.” But I have these kinds of days mixed in with my supermom days. And I don’t think there should be anything wrong with that. Even the most seemingly put together mom has her kryptonite. No one has their shit together 100% of the time. There’s a hole in that [damn] giant golden inflatable goose raft at the pool somewhere, and I’m watching from the side as it sinks slowly the more use it gets.
There should be nothing wrong with admitting that we have a weak spot and be able to put the repair patch on. I want to be able to say to myself that this is the kind of mom that I am, this is what I am able to do, and I’m giving it all I’ve got. I don’t want to identify as any one kind of mom—tiger, helicopter, crunchy, or otherwise. I want to just be Mom.
Surviving and thriving in the (sur)reality of motherhood. 
My husband tells the story of starting school in a one room school house a mile or so walk from his farm. Teacher asked his mother’s name to which he replied” her name is mom.” It was the only name he knew for her and it was enough to complete his world and answer the question. You are Mom to your son, will always be mom for him. To his future mother-in-law’s regret, you will be irreplaceable and the standard by which all other mothers will be judged! Rest easy with this knowledge! Cut yourself some slack when you need it, push yourself when you can to reach goals important to you! On blue days treat yourself to a chocolate shake (my mom said they were medicinal!) to a phone call over tea, chai,coffee or smoothie to your fav. friend, mom, or aunt and use them as sounding boards! No one else will be as hard on you as you are on yourself!❤️
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This is a great story! Thank you for the advice, I’ll get that shake soon! 😍
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You are right. You are all those things, separately and together. They are all you and your identity is made up of all those things. It is okay that you have, what you deem, are bad days, but please know that you are the one who classifies them as bad days. Getting more things done faster and with pinterestic beauty does not make you a better mom than when you do none of those things. The only way you lose out is if you don’t do those things that matter to you and your family. The best gift you can give yourself is to figure out what those things are (or remind yourself of those things) and then focus on them. The rest is icing on the cake. Don’t feel bad about not having it “figured out”. You are learning the same time as he is, and by the time you have it figured out, there is a new challenge. And this doesn’t change with more kids because each child is unique. I agree that these supermom titles are annoying. Each mom is important to her family and that is enough. And it is okay when you admit that you are weak or need help because there are some moms are breathing a sigh of relief when you do. (The ones that don’t are likely the ones you don’t want to associate with anyway.) I was finishing my second year of homeschooling and my kids were going back to school because we had moved and I wanted to try the new school. The last couple of weeks, I coincidentally started hearing more about the struggles the other moms had with homeschooling. These supermoms had many of the same struggles that I had had. I so wish I had heard that during the two years I was homeschooling. Things would have been a lot easier, and I wouldn’t have felt as alone and incompetent.
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